just blabbering..meaningful posts very rare.

Subject:	I still cant believe it.
Time:	11:43 pm.

"The just man, though he die early, shall be at rest. For the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time, nor can it be measured in terms of years...

...Having become perfect in a short while, he reached the fullness of a long career, for his soul was pleasing to the lord, Therefore he sped him out of the midst of wickedness. But the people saw and did not understand, nor did they take this into account. Because grace and mercy are with His holy ones, and His care is with His elect."
-The Book of Wisdom

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Time:	4:31 pm.
Mood:	damn excited..
Music:	Wham- Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

the last two weeks went by pretty quickly. they have been tough, but probably just the thing i needed before the end of the summer. ive been seeing my pops at the hospital everyday since his surgery. he is getting better...his stroke affected the whole left side of his body and his brain still has no awareness of that side. hopefully physical, occupational, recreational, and speech therapy, plus a little faith a prayer to the man above will help teddy c gain that awareness back and help him to fully recover. so folks, please keep praying for him.

anyway...im going to say goodbye to lucy tomorrow. im a little bummed, but i know that over the past three years, she went above and beyond her call of duty. shes pretty old now, with bumps and bruises here and there, and i feel that its time for her to retire those kuhmo tires. =]

soooooo it is back to san diego tomorrow and ive been pumped about it since the beginning of the week, maybe even since the beginning of the month. haha. ive packed my bags, loaded the car, cleaned my room, and am all prepared for my departure tomorrow. it should be a solid weekend back in la jolla..but im also thankful to have had such a great summer in the valley..hanging out, working, chillin'..etc etc..and its fitting because this is probably my final summer here. woooooo hoo.

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Subject:	=D
Time:	10:28 am.
Mood:	=D.
Music:	funny black guy- fat man song..

needless to say, the big 1-9 couldnt have been movie scripted any better.

morning breakfast with the fam, nice visit to my dad in the hospital, lunch hang out with my koreans...

mother fuckin' gourmet dinner with 5 kick ass people, CHOCOLATE SUNDAE at the laugh factory [its STOMP MOTHERFUCKERS], and absolut and seagramms to boot.

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Subject:	one more month of valley love.
Time:	10:07 am.
Mood:	thankful.
Music:	Jason Mraz- Clockwatching.

so i was looking at the notre dame high school year book and it hit me that though i just graduated last year, those days are now completely out of reach. it may be a little depressing to mention it, but even though i was a happy little tot during that stage of my life, its only going to get further and further away. but then i realized that it doesnt mean my hapiness is going with it.

sure, those times were great, but i dont recall laughing and smiling more than just recently. different atmosphere, new people, some old and genuine faces, and a few interest changes have all been the correct formula for a more calm, relaxed, and chill me.

and with the exception of family and a few special people, that atmosphere awaits me in la jolla. so yeah. this seems to be pretty much the last summer i will spend here in LA..and as great as it has been..[probably the greatest summer for me by far]..i am looking forward to a very very chill new stage of my life in sunny san diego...

and gab, you better come with me. cuz if not, you wont be able to do SHIIIIIIT!!..U CANT DO SHITTT!!!

oh yea..if anyone actually reads this, pray for my dad Teddy C,..hes having heart surgery. thanks =D

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Subject:	i dont know what irate means..but the guy looks funny.
Time:	10:38 pm.
Mood:	irate.
Music:	Cartel- Honestly.

i dont really feel sad or mad that those people i used to go to high school with dont want anything to do with me. i probably would have felt depressed if that happened last year. but hey.. things change... and if youre not wanted, then youre not, nothing i or anyone can do about that.

the only thing is, i just sorta wish they didnt invite me at all rather then lie in order to uninvite me. but i guess people have to pull strings and be shady in order to not totally feel bad for themselves that they did something that could have spewed even the slightest amount of guilt in their mind. so i dont mind being the sacrifice for other peoples dignity, whether they dislike me or not.you win some and you lose some..and life goes on right?

i just hope they all enjoyed themselves. i really do...no sarcasm or anything. birthday celebrations are meant to be joyful, flawless and free of any awkwardness or potential ruin. and i guess, according to them, i would have definitely been the dirty fingerprint on the otherwise spotless champagne glass...so heres a toast to your birthday, my lovely acquaintance.

and so hazaaaaaa.. there goes high school 'friends' down the drain...i guess there really is a friend filter after graduation is passed.

how come all my posts are about friendships?

shit. i dunno dawg.

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Subject:	boring as balls, dumb as dirt.
Time:	1:42 pm.
Mood:	wtf!.
Music:	Etta James- Wallflower.

since i have crazy hours at work, i havent been able to update much lately. so this one is long over due.

anyway. i have an hour lunch break right not so im at home just chilling till i have to brave the 1 and a half minute drive back to work...this journal entry has a point to it, i promise..

my subject is the dreaded "change" of my mindset, personality, and overall character since i left high school..and hell yes. i have changed.

im not such a lovestruck bozo anymore who chooses not to enjoy life because there seems to be no hope of romance. im not the asshole kid to my parents as i was in high school. i may have gotten more in tune with mary but its not like i have become in desperate need of that release. keeping in touch with old friends used to be my priority, but their priorities changed as well as mine. only a few have truly embraced whatever "change" i have endured. haha..like 2 or 3.

i hate the word change. maybe i didnt change. maybe they changed. whatever.

just dont judge me. cuz im still tj.

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Subject:	-radical-
Time:	2:09 pm.
Mood:	chipper.
Music:	pretty girls- speakers push the air.

and so arrives the summer heat that i have been dreading since my spring quarter in the 70 degree bliss of la jolla...

alas, i have yet to start work. i wonder if i will ever start because i really do need the money considering the fact that the contents of my pocket consists of lint and a driving range coin which i have yet to use.

anyway..aside from the scorching climate in which my body is not yet used to, i do not believe my summer can get any better. granted, i only have 3 or so friends, and i do the same thing everyday, but indeed i do not recall ever being happier.

weeeeeeee.

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Subject:	early bird.
Time:	8:27 am.
Mood:	=].
Music:	The Rocket Summer- Im Doing Everything [For Serina].

yes. i know im up early.

i got a new bed. its comfort cannot compare to the cinderblock i was sleeping on 3 days ago. because of this new bed, i just fall asleep when i lie down on it, not matter what time it is. so i fell into my nightly slumber relatively early yesterday and now here i am, live journal posting about my useless existence of a summer at 8:27 in the morning.

theres really nothing too new in my life since i last posted. hm. it seems like i wont get a job seeing as how i will probably fail my drug test. why do i succumb to mary jane so easily? i want to get past that phase, but then i dont because i like it. plus i really like my buddies teresa and tara...i probably couldnt really enjoy a session without them. the whole experience makes me feel "chill". oh well.

anyway. i feel as if the majority of my life is residing la jolla and right now i fail to have one since i am spending my whole summer in this dreadful heatbox. everything but my 3 friends and family is in san diego. school, work, a better beach,the only real beautiful golf course within 200 miles of me, YOU!..damnit i want to go back to school. ha...i want to go back to school? i guess im crazy.

nothing in LA really compares to what i enjoy in san diego. all i have in this city is the sentimental value of the growing pains that i have endured here. but im making great and possibly greater memories during my stint in la jolla and sooner or later i believe im gonna end up just being a san diego kid. everyone i know who is from there loves it... and im starting to really love it to.

this may be the first time im actually counting down until school starts. ha. my mindset has really changed this past year. im really liking it.

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Subject:	she did know i was talking about her.
Time:	10:00 am.
Mood:	still giddy.
Music:	DLD- Closing Down the Pattern Department.

damn.

for the last couple of days i havent been able to sleep as well as i should be. yet for most of those two days i have been lying down and really 'chillin'...haha...

but yea. it was all worth it.

the grove, spending hours lying around at the park, skipping most of the concert to do more of nothing, 85 percent of yesterday just lying down and horsing around[haha], the normal boba run, a late night rowland heights park visit, and not wanting to let go. gahh..

i feel good.

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Subject:	i wonder if she knows that i was talking about her.
Time:	11:29 pm.
Mood:	giddy.
Music:	Days Away- Stay the Same.

well..today was the first time i saw nicole in who knows how long. and we went to the beach..it was a sweet old time. its always good to hang with her. we saw incubus lead singer brandon boyd there..i said "hi" to him with a thumbs up..haha..what a loser i am..but hey...hes the lead singer of my favorite band...pretty awesome...definitely something that can only happen in sweet L.A.

I still havent found a job..so lately all i have been doing is trying to learn guitar, playing golf, lying on my ass, and just kickin' it...

dumm dee dumm dee dumm...i forsee great times ahead..starting wednesday. =D

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Time:	1:14 am.
Mood:	its over =[.
Music:	Jackson 5- Maybe Tomorrow.

ahh, and so ends my first year at UCSD.

i think i have already established from my previous posts as to how great of a year ive had..even though the academics wasnt so hot. this year rivals senior year of high school, in fact. so im really looking forward to the upcoming times that i will experience at UCSD, God willing.

the changes i have gone through since fall have been pretty intense. but i believe it was all for the better.

i hope my UCSD buddies have a great summer..i am sure i will see a lot of you at one time or another within the next three months. if not, then hazaa for next year.

ps..i miss you...yes..you >=P

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Subject:	grrr
Time:	5:27 pm.
Mood:	aspiring to become great..
Music:	Rilo Kiley- Portions for Foxes.

well well...today is thursday and i still have not gone to a full class session this week. so today i went to torrey pines municipal golf course to play the famed South Course home to the PGA Tours Buick Invitational. Since i was 11 ive been to torrey pines almost every year because it was the headquarters of the Junior World Golf Championships..but this is the first time that i have played it in a long ass time. so I bought a resident card in which they spelled my name TJ Cecililio and i played the course for 40 bucks instead for 115. It was fun as heck and the course had beautiful ocean views.. I think ill make it a habit to play there every time i get my pay check.

anyway..after todays round..i realized that even though im in the right direction with my golf game..i have ALOT of work to do...i want to be really good man..i fucking love golf. i didnt score too well today..and i just woke up from a nap in which i had a bad dream about my game..what i freak i am..ok well so i guess this summer ill try to ask my pops to get me a golf coach and ill play some amateur events and what not while trying to fine tune my game. im not doing this just because i want to be a teaching pro and make money..i just really want to play better..it feels good to play well. damnit. and i will not rest until i play as good as i can.

my goal is to try to compete for the US Open in Torrey Pines in 2008..will i get there?...

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Subject:	wooo hooooo
Time:	4:14 pm.
Mood:	Radical.
Music:	The Academy Is- Attention.

ahhh man, i am feeling quite accomplished right now.

for the last two weeks i was stressing about my phil paper knowing that i would finish it the day before it was due. so i did a lot of it monday thinking that it was due on tuesday..only to find out that it was due thursday! yessss...so i finished it up fully about 30 minutes ago..even though it took me 6 hours of library time...its all good though...i feel accomplished...so as for now..its dead week at school and one more week before summer..so i guess im chilling.

my weekend was pretty sweet. i stayed at the new house and it is growing on me, even though its pretty scary at night. i think i woulda dreaded going home for summer if it wasnt for the move. now i can model my room for the short 3 months that im there. hmm..i also applied to office depot..i wonder if ill get the job..dun dun dun..

i also kicked it with gabs. fun as always..but this time it was extra awesome cuz we went to the best show ever at the el rey. the lineup included days away, jamison parker, the academy is, and MAE!...all were good, but the academy is and mae stole the show. they were fucking breathtaking. the bald piano guy in mae scared me a little bit though..when he wasnt playing..he just kept punching the air and singing really loud even though his mic wasnt even on. what a weirdo. but in all was a sweet experience. after, gab and me when to a 24 hour starbucks and saw carlos slythe..what the random. hahha.

well, im back in sd now and have had 2 sweet boba days in a row with serina. [hi serina, i know you are reading this..dont you feel special to be mentioned in two posts of mine in a row?] and yes. i will visit you this summer when you stay here for summer school. not just cuz its san diego, but because its you. DUH.

oh yea..the laser building is aweosome.

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Time:	11:08 am.
Mood:	shit, i dont know..
Music:	Jack- Do You Remember.

im waiting for class to start in some random part of campus and i still get wireless internet signal so i guess ill write in this thing..

my mood has been really odd lately..i feel like i should be confused or stressed or depressed about many things..school, summer, or what the hell to do with everything in this pathetic existence of mine, but right now i sit here and find myself just sitting...before writing in this i dont think i was thinking about anything..i find myself just listening to music and going about my wednesday as every wednesday has been.

2 more weeks and i think i just feel indifferent about everything... i have 3 finals and a paper to do within these moments before summer... but im going to a concert on saturday and living in my new house this weekend...so i should be dreading yet looking forward to these weeks upcoming....but as of right now i dont feel any of those things...what the fuck?

im either blazing way too much and its making me a slow and emotionless fuck...or all these feelings hit me at once at some point within this quarter and im just completely numb to it...i guess im "thinking" about shit right now and thats a good start..hopefully it will wear off and i will once again wear my emotions on my sleeve as only i know how.

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Time:	11:19 am.
Mood:	A bit crazy.
Music:	Fall Out Boy- Nobody Puts Baby in The Corner.

summer is in three weeks. and im looking forward to it mostly because of the fact that im moving into a new crib. of course im going get to see the 4 or so friends that i still talk to from high school, but i know i never have to worry about seeing them when im here in san diego. so thats just a plus..its also going to be pretty fun to hang out with my ucsd friends back in LA..cuz almost all of them are from there..haha.

what i am not looking forward to is the 90+ weather every day...the fact that i have to use the air conditioner all the time and end up staying home cuz its just that damn hot... im not looking forward to the fact that the beach isnt 5 minutes away anymore...that my friends arent a 2 second walk away...that i have to go find another damn job in order to subsist during these three long months..eh theres pros and cons to living at home...i guess ive just gotten utterly spoiled by my 10 month stint in la jolla wonderland. i mean seriously..in essence, what have i been doing all yeah here?....having fun....shows, casino, chill sessions, blazing, concerts, surfing, parties..etc...well theres school and work..but that isnt bad at all....maybe ill try to duplicate the experience ive had here into three months of summer excitement come june 11. here are some plans for summer that are already in the works or have been secured by myself:.....

June..Hawaii?. Job at coffee bean or something...Daphne Show.. lots of Golf. working on the new house...surfing. July..Warped Tour!. getting my motorcycle license? probably still looking for a source of money..Rosarito Trip...ahh i dont know!...August..Jack Concert. Birthday Fun.. Six flags[w/ Serina!]..September.. SAN DIEGO AGAIN!....haha....i probably gonna hit up SD a couple times during the summer..we shall see....

ive had a solid year....time for a sweeeet summer back in americas favorite suburb.

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Subject:	quickie..
Time:	12:10 pm.
Mood:	like summer..
Music:	Bloc Party- Banquet.

whoa!....i havent updated for a long while. i have had this journal since the beginning of my senior year of high school and a many things have changed since then. its crazy. i guess im going to call this "part 2" of my livejournalidge..my friend convinced me to start writing in this again, and when i thought about it, i guess i have a good chunk of things to write about...when that runs out, then i can just complain about random shit.

anyway. i guess ill start off since last journal entry which was sometime in december..but i need to hurry the fuck up cuz my car is parked in the 20 minute zone outside...hmm..college has gotten a hell of a lot better since fall quarter..probably cuz i got a job and met a bunch of awesome people...academics hasnt been that bad either. so on any given day in san diego, im either surfing, playing golf, drinking boba...and enjoying many other vices..haha...im a slacker..but i dont think i could expect anything less.

the female department is a little better too...my depressed-emo-like self for the past 6 months seems to be far passed away. ive changed in more ways than one..all in which i will probably explain in future posts. but this is just a mere starting off point...but im off to surf now..g'damn..i love san diego

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Subject:	seventy times seven
Time:	1:25 am.
Mood:	never. better..
Music:	hello goodbye- dear jamie.

im starting to think i should have never realized what i realized the day of senior prom. i fell for a girl that day and it seems that i have gone downhill ever since. i hardly know why i let my naive self believe i had even a fraction of a chance...but for the last seven months i ingrained false hopes into my head that would send me down a path i wish never had taken.. why?...because i believed that this particular girl was worth all that. worth all the potentional and almost probable hurt coming my way...worth the heartbreak, heart ache, and every ounce of negative and positive energy that my definition of "love" could endure.

For the last seven months, i went through that, and much more. for what?..i am still yet to discover...all i was left with was a question of if i should have taken the risk in the first place. i don't quite exactly know if i have even grown from this experience. but what i have slowly dragged away from these last seven months is a heart hardned by a torment that could only be hidden by denial. i dont deny that i fell for this girl. but i deny the fact that i actually believed she could fall for me...

its harsh. but i dont believe that anymore...

so yea, crazy shit has been flowing through my head lately. but i don't fret, because i have good people to keep me sane. thas tight thas tight =]

btw, cool miss hawaiian girl got me a sweeeet kitchen set for christmas. haha

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